It’s been two days since chemotherapy. I was so tired yesterday. I blame one of my anti-sickness pills. It can knock me out cold. I fell asleep in the chair when having the chemo – that’s how good it is! Anyways, back to the present and my neck, shoulders and back feel like they are on fire. I haven’t felt that kind of burning for a long time, but it really feels like I should call 999 to help put the flames out! My legs felt like jelly walking around Norwich today… couldn’t shop. Lack of money is one thing, but actually having to make the decision to leave based on feeling like I was going to fall over the whole time is no fun either!
I have to apologise as I really want to write daily, but I have had no real story to write or share these last few days. I am always on the lookout for something to share with you all! I have realised I failed to mention something extremely important in my last post regarding what I’ve been through so far. I had a bone marrow biopsy done at the very beginning before my chemotherapy started and that without a doubt was the most painful experience out of all my hospital malarky… I had a needle go into my hip bone and that was so so painful. Lucky for me I had no lymphoma in the bone, but all the same, it wasn’t a very pleasant experience!
I think I am going to try and write something more tomorrow, when I am feeling more alive and such like. This is probably the lamest attempt at a post so far. My brain is like ‘Ruth, just stop. You have nothing to say right now…’ and I am like, ‘Ssshhh brain, I want to write something or I’ll go crazy…’ Then before I know it, I am arguing with myself! I think keeping a blog is awesome as it allows me to share my thoughts and feelings with the wider world. However, I honestly don’t want to force myself to write something. Which means I have to be patient and wait and see what direction my blog will take to next! Patience. Even when Take That sing it, I still find it difficult to be patient.
Sometimes it’s good to just take the passenger seat and let God take control. I think waiting is one of the hardest things we have to train ourselves to do. We are living in an age where everything is instant, we want everything now, a ‘microwave society’. We are constantly on the go with so much to do and not enough hours in the day. We try and make time for family, friends, pub, exercise, television, hobbies, study, food etc etc etc… and life just gets so demanding. We get stressed out trying to please everyone else as well as ourselves before we realise we can’t do everything. We can’t make everyone happy. I think it is vitally important to just be still. I have been blessed by God over and over again by just being still and waiting on Him. God doesnt work like a microwave… He prefers preparation and a longer cooking time to get the best results from us! We need to be patient to benefit from the awesome plan God has for us.
Getting time away from everyone can equal bliss. Today for example, I just sat in my room with just me, myself and I and just listened to the silence. Breaking away from all the fast paced, crazy mess we call life. I encourage you all to take some time out and just be still. That is how we can listen to God more.
Think about 5 different things you are thankful for today. You’ll be surprised how much more relaxed and at peace you’ll be with a thankful heart and calm surroundings!
Lyrics from Hillsong’s ‘Still’: “When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm. Father, you are King over the flood. I will be still, and know you are God.” (When the storms of life get to us, we can be still and take comfort in the fact that God is in control and He is above and beyond it all!)
God Bless 🙂
Ruthie x x x x x x x x