I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown. And what a year it has been. I spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting on life and all it has to offer us. This year has definately been one for reflection. My first scan is due on the 21st December to check and make sure the cancer is still all gone. This is my blog. These are my thoughts. I am afraid. Going back for a C.T scan at Addenbrooke’s will take me back to the 6 months of chemotherapy and the life changing experience of having Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I am not trying to be all dramatic. I realise how blessed I have been. However, I cannot see past January at the moment, which makes it difficult to fully want to leave Plymouth. A part of me is thinking, “If you leave to go back to Norfolk and get bad news, you won’t be coming back”. How sad is that? How pessimistic could I possibly sound? It’s 2 weeks today. 2 weeks today and I will know. Then I think, every scan will be the same. I will always get nervous and think pessimistically. My life could spin out of my control again and I could feel truly helpless.
Thank God for God. Seriously. I may sound all doom and gloom but if I didn’t have peace I would be a complete wreck. Most of my friends have seen me worried about the scan. Truth be told, of course I am. Who wouldn’t? We’re human. I really have peace because I know God has got me to this point in my life. He won’t let me go. Suffering may come for a time but God will be there right with me through all of it like he has been since my first breath of life. That reminds me of a quote I love in Psalms 30:5 “…weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning.” It is absolutely 100% allowed to feel upset, angry, afraid. It won’t be that way forever. I have learnt not to put my faith in things. I am slowly realising that nothing in life is certain and I am going to stop acting like I know what is going to happen next because I don’t. It’s still good to make plans, have dreams and ambitions… but it’s important to put it all into perspective as well.
My focus is on God. If my focus is on God I will not be disappointed. Admittedly things might not go to plan or how I want them to go. I might even disagree with God. However, all things work together for the good… “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” (Romans 8:28)… even if we don’t see it, therefore I trust that whatever will happen, God is in control of it all. I know this is hard to comprehend if you don’t believe in God, but at least trust me and believe me as I am a work in progress! 🙂 I’ll let you know how it all works out, just keep following and keep believing!
Other things that have been going on… Not a lot! However, I have settled into a church which is lovely and have met some wonderful elders there who will hopefully take me under their wing of wisdom! Loving Plymouth as always, love being near the sea and I just love the student community and everything about this place. Wish I could explore more of Devon but money hinders everything in that respect! I saw ‘Blast from the Musical Past’ this evening performed by the Musical Theatre Group at the university and it was really great. Well done to all of them especially Emily Raven and Emma Cope of course :-). Not forgetting the orchestra who played wonderfully and had Samuel Chapple on piano, so it couldn’t get much better. The Christian Union hosted a Carol Service which was great to see and so many people came which was encouraging. Basketball will kick off again in the New Year and I am determined to be able to do a lay-up without looking like a retarded spider. Joe Buckley, our lovely coach will be sure to make this happen – so he says. It will take a miracle – lucky that I believe in them hey!
The end of term is approaching again… hopefully and prayerfully I will be starting my second term in good health. If you could all pray for me and my scan on the 21st December that would be awesome. As always I leave you all with some encouragement and if you need anything for me to pray for or just want a chat, get in touch! Take care and God Bless!
Peace and Encouragement