I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown. And what a year it has been. I spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting on life and all it has to offer us. This year has definitely been one for reflection. My first scan is due on the 21st December 2011 to check and make sure the cancer is still all gone. Going back for a C.T scan at Addenbrooke’s will take me back to the 6 months of chemotherapy and the life changing experience of having Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I am not trying to be all dramatic. I realise how blessed I have been. However, I cannot see past January at the moment, which makes it difficult to fully want to leave Plymouth. A part of me is thinking, “If you leave to go back to Norfolk and get bad news, you won’t be coming back”. How sad is that? How pessimistic could I possibly sound? It’s two weeks today. Two weeks today and I will know. My life could spin out of my control again and I could feel truly helpless.
Thank God for God. Seriously. I may sound all doom and gloom but if I didn’t have Him I would be a complete wreck. Most of my friends have seen me worried about the scan. Truth be told, of course I am. Who wouldn’t? I’m human. I do have peace however because I know God has got me to this point in my life. He won’t let me go. Suffering may come for a time but God will be there right with me through all of it like he has been since my first breath of life. That reminds me of Psalm 30:5 “…weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning.” It is absolutely 100% allowed to feel upset, angry, afraid. But it won’t be that way forever. I am learning not to put my faith in things, just Christ. I am slowly realising that nothing in life is certain and I am going to stop acting like I know what is going to happen next because I don’t. It’s still good to make plans, have dreams and ambitions… but it’s important to put it all into perspective as well.
My focus is on God. Admittedly things might not go to plan or how I want them to go. However, all things work together for the good… “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” (Romans 8:28). Therefore I trust that whatever will happen, God is in control of it all, even if I don’t see or understand it right now. I know this is hard to comprehend if you don’t believe in God, but at least trust me and believe me as I am a work in progress! I’ll let you know how it all works out, just keep following and keep believing!
Other things that have been going on… Not a lot! However, I have settled into a church which is lovely and have met some wonderful elders there who will hopefully take me under their wing of wisdom! Love Plymouth as always, love being near the sea and I just love the student community and everything about this place. The Christian Union hosted a Carol Service which was great to see and so many people came which was encouraging. Basketball will kick off again in the New Year and I am determined to be able to do a lay-up without looking like a spider on skates. Joe, the lovely coach will be sure to make this happen – so he says. It will take a miracle – lucky that I believe in them hey!
The end of term is approaching again… hopefully and prayerfully I will be starting my second term in good health. If you could all pray for me and my scan on the 21st December 2011 that would be awesome. As always I leave you all with some encouragement and if you need anything for me to pray for or just want a chat, get in touch! Take care and God Bless!
3 thoughts on “Scanxiety in December”
Hey you amazing, strong woman, you! I’m not sure about the video for this, but I’ve always liked the message of this song & I thought of this to pass to you as soon as you quoted that first scripture. You’ve probably already heard it a million times, too, but in case you haven’t….
Hey Heather! I have a new Facebook account – I have sent you a message which would have automatically gone into your ‘other’ message folder on Facebook! I hope you receive this message, or I might drop you an email haha. Hope you are doing well my friend! xxx
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