It’s the first week of my third trimester. The last couple of days has seen this sweet little one wriggling inside me more frequently and more powerfully than I have noticed before. It’s entertaining watching the ripples of movement across my bump as Baby Clemence adjusts and explores its current home.
I couldn’t resist naming the title of the post ‘the pregnant ninja’ because a few weeks ago a few friends gave me that nickname. It was due to the fact that I could catch a ball quite swiftly and consistently I think; imagine ninja-like ability with a big bump – that was me. However, anyone that knows me at all knows I repel sport. I’m either too competitive, too unfit or too afraid to embarrass myself at how bad I am at it!
However, with the swift and more uncomfortable kicks that I keep feeling within me I would say the ninja attributes are definitely a Baby Clemence thing. I’m pregnant. He or she is the ninja!
I haven’t written much about my pregnancy. Maybe it’s because I think so many people could write about pregnancy better than me. Perhaps it’s because I am still trying to process it all and take it a day at a time as everything begins to change. However, I think it’s a fair comment to say I am naturally excited to meet little one and that deserves a mention (waves to future son or daughter who may decide to read the past posts of their embarrassing mother!).
In equal measure though, I am really nervous about the whole thing. Labour, birth and looking after Baby Clemence always leaves me in a weird place of excitement, anticipation and trepidation. I am never too far away from a worrying thought, especially as I am in my final trimester.
The due date creeps closer. People around me are getting more excited and want to know if I have done this or that yet in preparation for the new arrival. I am not as overwhelmed as I used to be when I walked into a Mothercare shop. I inwardly hope I will be the very best mum that I can be for this beautiful life despite all of this uncertainty.
A couple of my friends have given birth to beautiful children in recent months. I’m so pleased for them, but as I see pictures pop up on Instagram of everything looking so natural and great for them, I think to myself ‘I hope I can do it – it’s my turn soon’. The last few months have gone so fast, antenatal classes have started and I am having another scan this week.
In the middle of all of these changes, I have to pause and breathe.
The God who I have been writing about on this blog since 2011 was with me at a time of change and struggle. He has been with me for as long as I can remember. In the midst of my worry, He comforts me. He provides me with amazing family and friends to walk me through it.
Gently, tenderly, He reminds me that I am His child and that He is my Father.
I go back to a place of child-like faith and trust.
Resting in His presence, I am soothed and tenderly cared for.
With this truth wrapped around my heart and mind, I know that God will be with Joel and I as we step into this next phase of life; He is with us as we soothe and tenderly love our child. For we are His children.
We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19