The Mustard Seed Mum: What I’m Learning

I am learning a lot about being a mum. Or I think I am. Everyone has their own way of being a parent and puts their stamp on things. There’s lots of trial and error involved. For me, a lot of head scratching and confused looks as I try and figure my beautiful boy out.

I haven’t been sleeping well recently. Jonathan has only slept through the night a handful of times, but he began to sleep in good chunks which gave me time to recharge overnight, much like a mobile phone. Lately, he is getting up every 3 hours or so at night and the battery life on this mum is draining rapidly. My patience is usually hovering around one bar before it starts to flash.. 10% remaining… 9%… 8%… I feel myself getting close to breaking point. Eugh, I loathe you sleep deprivation.

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In the morning I looked bleary eyed in the bathroom mirror, not ready to face another day feeling this exhausted. As I was squeezing out the remaining toothpaste from the tube, I looked at it and felt like I was the one being squeezed for every last ounce I could give. Squeezed. Pushed. Moved along towards being completely empty.

Becoming a mum has been a complete emptying of myself. 

Yet, I am learning that this is exactly where I am supposed to be as a Christian. Poured out and emptied daily so God can fill me with more of His grace, His love, His truth. Less of me and more of Jesus. And boy, do I need Jesus.

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I press down hard on the toothpaste tube, moving my finger and thumb down it so it empties – the paste comes out and my teeth get cleaned. As the shampoo nears its end and I flip it upside down and squeeze what remains, my hair gets cleaned. Sometimes it may feel like I am being squeezed and flipped upside down in life, but day by day I am being cleaned, refreshed and washed by God’s endless pouring out of love for me. I am able to go through tough times – times of being emptied, so I can be filled with His strength, His power, His Spirit. 

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Every day I have all that I need from Him to make it through, even if some days I feel like I am holding onto the day by the tips of my fingers. But it’s His hand that holds me and He won’t let go.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me up in glory.
Who do I have in heaven but you?
And I desire nothing on earth but you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
my portion forever. Psalm 73:23-26

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Hi! It's nice to see you here! A little about me: I am a Christian who loves Jesus. I am blessed with a loving husband Joel and we have a little boy called Jonathan. My time is often spent writing, planning a meal around dessert, looking after the home, visiting others or having others visit me, laughing, reading a good book, seeing new places, going for walks in the country, dancing and singing to music, and preaching behind my ironing board with the bible open on it (it's the right height & nobody's watching, I hope).

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