I am writing this post-coffee, in PJs as my sweet little boy catches up on his precious sleep. Last night started off well. He goes down to sleep just fine, but recently seems to wake at about 1am most nights. Last night however, he decided to cry for about 2 hours (sorry neighbours). Feeding, nappy change, checking if he was too hot or cold, knowing he still had a cold and still unsure if teething has really kicked in… nothing worked, and as soon as I left, he started again. Eugh – the ugly nights.
Tears. Head in hands. Googling – which often causes more worry than calm. Questioning if God can hear the prayer of a mum desperate for sleep. Remembering that he hasn’t been this difficult in a while so just roll with it. Then thinking am I a bad mother? I start thinking about other mums and their babies. Self-doubt sets in.
God, I need to know that you are close to me.
I have felt so overwhelmed recently with lots of different plates spinning and I kind of want to let a few of them smash.
Yesterday was a hard day and the night just felt like an added boulder to an already heavy back pack on my shoulders.
The baby monitor eventually quietens down after the decision to let him cry it out a bit knowing everything else had been tried. Including my patience.
Then a little bit of sleep for me before morning starts and my dear little one seems ready to go.
A new day…
I get up, get his breakfast, clean up the kitchen and tidy the lounge, all before 8.30am. I sit with a cup of coffee and open up my Bible app.
Then this verse…:
‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7
This verse is so dear to me. It was the verse that I flipped open to when I arrived as an 18 year old in Phoenix, Arizona. Sitting in my motel room, I was feeling overwhelmed and the homesickness was already starting. Then this verse came like a hug.
A year later, this same verse comforted me during my chemotherapy. It spoke words of life into a dark time.
Seven years later, this verse comforts me as a tired mum with a lot going on in my mind.
This verse promises peace. I know that these words of truth deliver.
There is something beautiful about Christ meeting me where I am. I don’t need to pretend or hide – He loves me and knows me from the inside out.
He is a faithful Friend, comforting Counsellor, kind King who breathes life into the hardest of situations and sustains, upholds and strengthens me in the midst of it.
Thank you Lord, for being so close.