The Shadow

I’m going to try and keep this short. We’re all busy people these days, aren’t we?

There’s so much I could say, but right now, I just don’t have the time or the right words to say.

In a nutshell, I am experiencing my first recognisable battle in the mind. I say ‘recognisable’ because I have started to recognise myself go downhill mentally. It’s kind of like a shadow that slowly catches up with me and I see it starting to cover me; it doesn’t seem to leave as quickly as I would want. Actually, I wish the shadow wouldn’t arrive at all.

I am not calling it depression yet – I’ll let the medical professionals label me with that one. Sure, it’s crossed my mind – just like that shadow. I am under the watch of a doctor and I am speaking up about it. Apparently, this is a brave thing to do. I don’t feel brave though. I just express my heart through words. That’s how I often process my thoughts.

This ‘shadow’ is not something I ever would have thought could happen to me. The challenges of mental health was something other people experienced, not me. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I do plead ignorance. I didn’t really understand much about it until recently. It’s been eye-opening.

afterglow avian backlit birds
Photo by luizclas on Pexels.com

For those of you who are familiar with my blog, you would know that I started it when I was diagnosed with cancer. I wanted to share my journey of that experience and still tell people that I believed God was good even then – even in the hard stuff, the struggle, the suffering…

Therefore, it seems appropriate that this new battle, this shadow is brought into the light.

I know I am not the only one who is going through this. It’s comforting and I don’t mean to say that in any way other than I am glad that there are others who know what I’m talking about – who have been there and walked their own walk. Like sitting in a waiting room for chemotherapy, surrounded by other patients who are waiting for theirs, I know that we’re all in this together. We are part of a community. Whether you are struggling with a shadow of your own or know someone who is, we are all in it together.

backlit beach clouds dark
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Speaking of shadows, there is a verse that I simply love because there is a type of shadow that I welcome…

The one who lives under the protection of the Most High dwells in the shadow of the Almighty.’ Psalm 91:1

There is a place of rest. The God I trust protects me, even now in the middle of this battle. His shadow I welcome, just like a mother gathers her chicks under her wing. It’s a place of safety.

I’ve often found that in the struggles, I come to know Jesus more. What’s more, Jesus knows what it’s like to suffer. I am comforted that He is able to understand me and know my innermost thoughts. He is my light.

In this sense, I welcome the struggle. Suffering brings me closer to God because I am leaning into Him, not relying on my own understanding but trusting in Him fully. Just as my son places his trust in me, so I look to my heavenly Father to meet all of my needs, to carry all of my burdens, to draw near to me in my time of need.

I may not understand why this battle has come, but I know the One who fights for me.

The LORD is my light and my salvation–whom should I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life–whom should I dread? Psalm 27:1

 

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Freelance writer, award-winning blogger, wife, mum and many other things too.

10 thoughts on “The Shadow

  1. Sending hugs your way, Ruth! I’ve had a low patch recently so can certainly relate. Really hope you’re feeling better soon (what goes down, must come up! Or something like that 😊) I’ll say a prayer for you. Just keep pouring your heart out to God & I reckon He will comfort you and guide you. Blessings! πŸ™πŸ»

    1. Thanks for the virtual hugs Steven 😊 sorry to hear about your low patch… appreciate your prayers so much and your encouragement as always is such a blessing to me πŸ€—

    1. Thanks Sheila 😊 it’s going to be OK…just the going through is never fun… fuelled by your prayers and God’s love is a winning combination πŸ˜‰πŸ˜Ž xxx

  2. I know this shadow. Remembering God is light and even the darkness is as light to him, is really important. He has the power to defeat it. Rest in him and let his love enfold you xxx

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