I had an operation today. It was a minor day operation under general anesthetic. I feel pretty tired, but I didn’t sleep very well last night. This is the third operation that I have had and it’s not pretty. Basically, I have had a pilonidal sinus that has kept getting infected. Today (hopefully), the sinus has finally been removed. The NHS website details it all fairly accurately so you can read about it here: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Pilonidal-sinus/Pages/Introduction.aspx
The First Operation
It started in 2010 and the infection was shown on a scan in 2011 when I was about to start my treatment for cancer. It was operated on in March 2011 – the same time I was having chemotherapy. That was a rough month. I don’t think I ever wrote about this because I was embarrassed by where the wound was. Near my butt. Gross. However, this complicated my hospital visit in 2011 as I had an infection, a weaker immune system, a sky-high temperature, chemotherapy and a blood clot all going on at the same time. You can read more about my treatment and this time at : https://ruthclemence.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/abvd-another-brave-victorious-day/
The Second and Third Operation (3rd time’s a charm?!)
Now almost 4 years later and my 3rd operation on this sinus, I am left confused, frustrated and sore. I had my second operation in October 2014 and the wound had been so small just yesterday. It took what felt like years to get to that point. Last time, the surgeons had to cut and drain the infection and leave the hole open to heal from the inside out. This time, they found an infection when operating (they were planning to just cut the sinus out and stitch me up), so they had to leave this bigger hole open once more to heal from the inside out.
Do you know what that means? Daily trips to see a nurse who will fill it with packing to keep the wound open and cover it with a dressing. Last time, it took 4 months and it never fully healed. This time, the hole is bigger. It means I will once again be subjected to planning my day around GP/hospital visits. This will make job hunting harder (I mean, it is hard enough already) and it makes it harder to write (I am laying on my side, typing between one hand and two being careful not to put too much pressure on the wound).
However, I wrote not too long ago about fully surrendering my plans to the Lord. You can read that here. I felt a little bitter (well, on some days very bitter – I repent of that now) of how I was at home and unable to secure a paid job. To have that sense, albeit false sense, of security. A bit of extra cash. A more comfortable life.
How dare I think that is the goal I should strive toward!
Comfort should not be my goal. Christ should be my goal, and all comfort comes from Him!
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
Why should I seek to fit into a world that I was never made for? I would rather be poorer, sick, persecuted and uncomfortable for the sake of knowing the Lord more. When I am in a place where I am forced to rest, to trust, to be loved, to receive grace upon grace and to know Jesus more personally, who am I to try and stop that? Why would I want to try and fight this sabbatical of grace?
Grace in the Incision
There is grace in the incision. There is purpose in my wound. Like Christ’s bleeding wounds on the cross, my wound seeks to give glory to the Father in heaven. Whilst I am recovering, I can write. I can pray. I can know of God’s faithful promises through reading the bible. I can spend more time in peace and quiet reflecting. I can be a prayer warrior – an intercessor – for all of the awful things taking place across the world today.
Grace can – I can’t.
I can do nothing without grace.
His perfect grace freely given for all of us. Yes, you too.
His wounds – our healing.
His suffering for our comforting.
It may be a long few months again. Nonetheless, this time I am going to do things differently. This time, I am going to do what I should have done from October 2014. Fully surrender. Receive His grace, rather than fight my battle to find work. Work is NOT a priority. Christ is. I think we all need to truly experience that reality. I am not saying that bills aren’t important and should be ignored. I am not saying that we should all quit our jobs. I am not saying we should sponge off of the state. Nor am I saying that I have given up. Actually, I am saying our priorities need to be Christ. When the Lord is our priority, everything else seems that little bit more bearable.
Moreover, everything is put into perspective. When I look to the cross of Christ and to His resurrection, I am reminded that my wound is momentary. This life is but a breath. His wounds gave me everlasting life for all eternity with God. Knowing this truth and receiving His grace gives me all the grace I need in the incision and in every area of my life.
God becomes more, I become less. Less about me, more about Him (John 3:30).
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Linking up with Kelly Balarie at Purposeful Faith… 🙂
An Anchored Hope 
Ruth,
Oh, ouch…praying for your recovery and for God to continue to encourage you as you surrender your situation to Him…I’ve had sinusitis issues but nothing as serious as yours so I can only imagine how challenging it is for you…and this is so true: “When the Lord is our priority, everything else seems that little bit more bearable.”
Thank you for your kind words and prayers Dolly – it means so much! I appreciate you stopping by and hope your sinusitis issues have healed. God bless 🙂 x
Always reading your post Ruth, always thinking of you. I hope you recover quickly! Sending you my love x x
Lovely to hear from you Cathryn!! It means a lot that you read my posts! Thank you for your encouragement & I too hope for a speedy recovery! Lots of love xxx 🙂
“Why should I seek to fit into a world that I was never made for?”
Indeed sister, indeed… I am also going through some health junk. Lol not fun but God has given me such peace and comfort from His word. It is such a scary realm, health. Good thing He is in charge, eh?
By the way, when I see your name in my inbox, I use that as my prayer alert for you.
I pray now that Gid would heal you well in His time and His way for your good and His glory! 😊
Hugs!
Thank you so much for your prayers Christy! I pray for your health too and so wonderful to hear how you are experiencing His peace and comfort during this time! You bet, I am glad He is in control! Thank you for praying for e when I am in your inbox! What a great idea! Hugs 🙂 xxx
Sorry for all this Ruth, but happy to see that you know God is in it. I loved your thought of why try to fit into a world we were not made for. We do that in so many ways, so many areas, don’t we? It’s comforting to know this home we’re now in is only temporary!
Thanks for your kind words Sheila! 🙂 There are so many ways I try and fit into this world, but I always end up feeling drained and empty – thank God for His living water and Word! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
What a story! Right this moment I am spending time in Philippians 3. Took a break to check WP and read your post. Very timely. I love how you are pressing forward to what God has for you in this season. Blessings to you!!
Ruth, thank you for encouraging us to fully surrender – you set such a beautiful example! #raralinkup
Have a great day, Kim Stewart http://www.kimstewartinspired.com
Thanks for your kind words Kim! God bless and thanks for linking up! 🙂
Ruth, I am so inspired by you. I love your heart for THE LORD and I love that in all that you’re going through, you have decided to simply seek and trust HIM. Thank you so much for sharing this! I will be praying for you! Infinite blessings to you, Love! 🙂
#RaRaLinkup 😉
Thank you for your lovely words Tai! God bless 🙂 xx
You’re very welcome! 🙂
Ruth you are always cheering others. Today you need it friend. May you heal quickly and you see His plans more clearly everyday. “There is grace in the incision. There is purpose in my wound.” Love this friend. Powerful. I am visiting today from a few places! Titus 2 Tuesday and #raralinkup
Thank you for your encouragement Carmen! I linked up to Titus 2 Tuesday as well for the first time – so so many encouraging bloggers to read! Hope you are doing well! 🙂
Hi Ruth! I am so sorry about your cyst. I’m a nurse, so I know how pesky and messy they can be. My SIL had to have surgery twice for his, as it was oozing.
It is so hard to be ‘down for the count’ and I don’t blame you at all for feeling sad. I don’t Jesus does either. He knows you and understands what you are going through. How wonderful that you can attach yourself to him in your pain. That is beautiful. It brings meaning to your suffering.
I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you have a good set of friends or family that can help. Be good to yourself! Recovering takes a lot of energy, even if you don’t notice it. God bless your tender heart.
Thank you for your kind words Ceil! Your comment has really encouraged and uplifted me! Thanks for praying for me – I really pray your leg heals soon too. Lovely getting to visit your blog too! Blessings! 🙂
Oh, Ruth! I am so very sorry to hear of all you’ve been through over the last few years. I am in awe of your wisdom and grace as you pour out your heart and the truths God has revealed to you in all this. I’m inspired by your perseverance, to keep a positive outlook and focus on Him as you recover from this most recent surgery. I will be praying for you friend! God bless, Tina
Had the same surgery back in my twenties. No doubt about it — it’s a tough one to get over. Thanks for stopping by my blog, and glad to have found yours.
“When I am in a place where I am forced to rest, to trust, to be loved, to receive grace upon grace and to know Jesus more personally, who am I to try and stop that?” Beautiful Ruth! Visiting today from #RaRaLinkup
Thank you for visiting Katy! Looking forward to catching up with you on this week’s
#RaRaLinkup! 🙂 God bless 🙂