‘What if people think I’m nuts?’ I said.
This was part of a conversation I had over Facebook Messenger with someone dear to me.
She replied, ‘They thought Noah was nuts. They probably thought Moses was nuts.
All the most awesome plans will have someone going….she’s nuts!
You won’t know until you try!’
What was it that made me worry people would think I’m crazy?
I want to be a full time writer.
And I am slowly starting to lay the groundwork for that to happen.
Most people who know me won’t be surprised by that. However, living in a world that revolves around status, success, security, money, fame and the like, I sometimes feel like I am swimming against a powerful current. In my head I feel like I have to justify why I am not in a full time job with a mortgage, going on a couple of holidays a year and using that first class honours degree. Or on other days I feel like I need to explain why I am struggling to find outlets to write for and generally feeling scared because it’s all new. Filling in a self-assessment tax return – yikes! If I am not swimming against the current, I can feel like I am sinking beneath it.
Uh-oh… the comparison trap…
In reality though, I don’t suppose many people are thinking about my life choices that much. The world doesn’t revolve around me. And I am so thankful it doesn’t. I think I am my own worst enemy at times. Beating myself up as I compare myself to everyone else. It’s exhausting and I don’t recommend it.
It got so bad that I had to unfollow most of my Facebook friends, not because I don’t care about them (because I do!), but because I would soak up their photos and updates and sometimes I would find myself caught in comparing my behind-the-scenes with their highlight reel. There is research about self-esteem and social media use – for one example, click here: How Facebook can amplify low self-esteem.
I also found myself spending so much time on Facebook, but now because there is less stuff to scroll through, I spend less time using it. I have stopped posting status updates as frequently and my timeline is primarily made up of posts from pages I follow. If you didn’t think I was nuts at becoming a full time writer, you probably think I’m nuts for my social media antics. Oh well.
Anyways, why have I written a blog post about this? Well, this is a space for this writer girl to post her thoughts. For a start, it kind of makes sense to write it here. However, this is just an honest post written by a determined yet scared writer. I love writing. It terrifies me at times, but the love for it greatly outweighs the fear and uncertainty. No matter what the world says I should be doing with my life or what people may or may not be thinking about my choices, I am a writer.
As my friend so aptly wrote: ‘God put a dream in your heart and talent in your hands for a purpose. I think He knows what He is doing!! Follow that dream…’.