In some ways I am a bit of a perfectionist. I like everything to have its place. There needs to be some sort of order to chaos. I get uncomfortable when things seem to go outside of my control. Having a baby means a lot of stuff gets left undone. Tasks I set myself go unfinished. My mind seems to get tangled in all the things I need to get done such as the chores, my writing (or lack of it), to-do lists…
Yesterday, I broke. I felt everything come undone and unravel around me. It was like being on a constant treadmill from one task to the next without ever feeling like I was completing anything. On reflection it had been a pretty productive day, but I had no time to breathe. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I sat on the floor and wept. When my loving husband came through the door, I was a mess. At this point I was no longer on the floor, but I was emotionally and mentally drained. Poor Joel is all I can say! (Oh and thank you… xxx).
This morning is a new day. I am still aware of how chaotic my mind can get. Although yesterday I felt beaten up from daily life and a broken mess on the floor of the living room, I am far from broken. It was Jesus who was broken for me.
The words that come to mind right now as the little one naps (hooray!) are the final words of Jesus before He took His last breath.
‘It is finished’. John 19:30
Jesus did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it (John 3:17). He paid the price of all of the sin and shame found in the world so that we wouldn’t have to.
When Jesus was on the cross, it must have looked like the end of the world for His followers. The disciples had followed Him and believed in Him but seeing Him on that cross, they must have felt broken. Their teacher who had healed others and taught with authority was hanging in agony. People that were passing by hurled insults and abuse at Jesus. If only they knew what the brokenness meant for them and for us all.
The body of Christ was broken so that the penalty of sin was paid in full. Nothing is that broken that it cannot be restored fully in Jesus.
As I wrestle with my thoughts, emotions and frustrations at times, I need to remember that I was bought with a price. I am precious to the Lord because He does not leave me in my brokenness but meets me in it, loves me in it and walks with me through it. I can be brave knowing that God has restored what was broken. It was His body broken that makes me brave.
We are loved beyond measure by the Living God. If that doesn’t make us courageous, I am not sure what will.
Someone out there blessed me with a book called ‘100 Days To Brave’ by Annie F. Downs. It came through the post and I have been greatly encouraged by the words she writes as I am on my own journey of courage this year. Thank you to whoever sent it – it means so much that you took the time to do that to help me be courageous!
9 thoughts on “The Brokenness That Makes Me Brave”
Sad about the bad day. Praying today will be better. You are still awesome…..even on the bad days! Love you!
Thank you ❤ I seem to learn more through the bad so it makes it good! Although hindsight is a wonderful thing… Love you too!
Hi Ruth! I can only imagine how tough it must be trying to keep on top of things with a baby. How old is Jonathan? If you’re able to schedule time to relax, regroup, and get all your thoughts down on paper (or more likely, an app), you should totally do that. I’m a big advocate of things-to-do lists, but I try to ensure my plans are realistic and that I also schedule quiet time (I know, easy for me to say). God bless you!
Hi Steven – Jonathan is almost 4 months now! Time flies and stands still in equal measure it feels! 🙂 You are so right about taking time to relax, regroup and write my thoughts down – if you find an app let me know! I think I may have been a tad unrealistic in what I set out to do yesterday! Thanks for stopping by – I appreciate it 🙂 God bless!
Hey Ruth! In terms of apps, if you go to the App Store (or Google Play, depending on what phone you have) and search ‘productivity’, you’ll find lots of helpful apps! I have a Mac and use Apple Notes, which is pretty good. A lot of people use Evernote. Today I was recommended Google Keep, which I’m planning to have a bash at tomorrow. They are all free!
Here’s a great video about productivity apps from a Christian guy I follow that will inspire you:
Let me know if I can help in any way!
I’ve been searching all day for this for you Ruth – Hope you know it is okay and that God holds you in your tears.
Thank you so much for sending me this song – it’s beautiful and I am so thankful that you took the time to find it! :’) Bless you! xxx
Hi Ruth, I can honestly say I’ve known where you’re at. Having brought up 2 young children partly as a single parent it is tough at times. The constant battle of keeping things tidy is alone a task itself. Yet looking back those years are both rewarding & challenging. I look back now & without boasting feel I haven’t done such a bad job. Take courage my friend. God Bless, Sarah xx
Hi Sarah – I am glad you can relate to the struggle but it is good to hear that you can look back with a sense of achievement through it all! It is so good to know that I am not alone in feeling those things. Thanks for taking the time to encourage me 🙂 xx
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