In some ways I am a bit of a perfectionist. I like everything to have its place. There needs to be some sort of order to chaos. I get uncomfortable when things seem to go outside of my control. Having a baby means a lot of stuff gets left undone. Tasks I set myself go unfinished. My mind seems to get tangled in all the things I need to get done such as the chores, my writing (or lack of it), to-do lists…
Yesterday, I broke. I felt everything come undone and unravel around me. It was like being on a constant treadmill from one task to the next without ever feeling like I was completing anything. On reflection it had been a pretty productive day, but I had no time to breathe. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I sat on the floor and wept. When my loving husband came through the door, I was a mess. At this point I was no longer on the floor, but I was emotionally and mentally drained. Poor Joel is all I can say! (Oh and thank you… xxx).
This morning is a new day. I am still aware of how chaotic my mind can get. Although yesterday I felt beaten up from daily life and a broken mess on the floor of the living room, I am far from broken. It was Jesus who was broken for me.
The words that come to mind right now as the little one naps (hooray!) are the final words of Jesus before He took His last breath.
‘It is finished’. John 19:30
Jesus did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it (John 3:17). He paid the price of all of the sin and shame found in the world so that we wouldn’t have to.
When Jesus was on the cross, it must have looked like the end of the world for His followers. The disciples had followed Him and believed in Him but seeing Him on that cross, they must have felt broken. Their teacher who had healed others and taught with authority was hanging in agony. People that were passing by hurled insults and abuse at Jesus. If only they knew what the brokenness meant for them and for us all.
The body of Christ was broken so that the penalty of sin was paid in full. Nothing is that broken that it cannot be restored fully in Jesus.
As I wrestle with my thoughts, emotions and frustrations at times, I need to remember that I was bought with a price. I am precious to the Lord because He does not leave me in my brokenness but meets me in it, loves me in it and walks with me through it. I can be brave knowing that God has restored what was broken. It was His body broken that makes me brave.
We are loved beyond measure by the Living God. If that doesn’t make us courageous, I am not sure what will.
Someone out there blessed me with a book called ‘100 Days To Brave’ by Annie F. Downs. It came through the post and I have been greatly encouraged by the words she writes as I am on my own journey of courage this year. Thank you to whoever sent it – it means so much that you took the time to do that to help me be courageous!