Wow. You are all really kind. Seriously. My last post had many of you sharing words and even songs of encouragement to lift my spirit. I received comments on the blog and on Facebook, texts, calls and even visitors. My intention was not to cause people to worry about me, but I am very thankful to be surrounded by a very supportive group!
I started blogging because I wanted to share about God’s goodness even in the midst of life’s challenges – always pointing to Christ. This is a space where I express that part of me which has always whispered into the depths of who I am – go on, write. It’s a part of me that cannot be contained. I cannot help it. I don’t want to help it. I never want to stop writing.
This is a season of peaks and troughs, valleys and mountains, deserts and streams… I am riding it out and as always I know where my strength and help comes from – my help comes from the Lord. He knows when I need that encouragement and blesses me with wonderful people in my life at just the right moment. He knows when I need to weep and He understands my pain. I am not alone.
Sometimes it feels like my books taunt me as they line up on the bookcase. Each one given or purchased at a particular point in my life stares back at me, mirroring a former life of academia, hunger for theology, general interest etc. I look at that bookcase with a longing to go back in time and spend hours and hours reading to my heart’s content, devouring knowledge like The Very Hungry Caterpillar devoured food. Is it selfish? Shouldn’t I be content with this precious new season of my life? I have always struggled to be content, but as a wise friend recently said to me (citing someone who I cannot remember!): ‘The grass is greener where you water it.’
Right now, I need to start watering the grass where I am. If the plant in the kitchen is any indicator of my ability to do this, I might as well quit! But this year I am learning what it means to be brave.
Sometimes brave means watering that wilting feeling inside so that it can bloom beautifully in the everyday moments. I need to tenderly water the part of me that feels scorched by burnout.
What does that look like? Maybe it looks like reading a book for the sheer fun of it, rather than obsessing over the jobs that need to be done. Maybe it means taking a long bubble bath at the end of the day, rather than lying awake worrying about things. Maybe it means asking for hugs on the days when the wildfire is spreading over the dry earth of a hard day of mothering. More often than not it means being watered by the Word of God. When I read the bible I am refreshed. It transforms, renews, gives life, restores. Time and time again, when I go back to the Source, I have everything I need.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”